The Manipulation of Customers | Part 1
From Hot Potatoes to Alka-Seltzer: The Weird Science of Conflict
Recently, a teammate asked me, “How do you dissolve conflict?”
Good word choice. Dissolve.
Not resolve.
Not manage.
Not handle.
Dissolve, like dropping an Alka-Seltzer into water and watching the fizz disappear.
My reflex reply was, “Did I create it, or did I just stumble into it?” I said it as a joke, but honestly, it matters.
Here’s the thing: conflict isn’t really meant to be “resolved.”
The idea of tying it up with a neat little bow is laughable. No one actually walks away saying, “Wow, that disagreement was so tidy and symmetrical!”
What actually happens?
Someone is uncomfortable.
Someone wants it to stop.
Someone attempts to lob the hot potato into someone else’s lap as fast as possible.
Why?
Conflict usually comes wrapped in the gift bag of anger, frustration, or over-caffeinated passion. Totally normal human emotions, but not exactly the ones you want hanging around the dinner table.
After a few decades in some version of Customer Service or Customer Success, here’s the most boring yet liberating answer I’ve found: empathy.
Before you roll your eyes, let me explain…
Empathy doesn’t mean you agree with the person’s version of reality. It means you recognize the emotion in the room.
You don’t have to nod along with their conspiracy theory about why the WiFi went down; you simply agree that they’re mad about it.
Earlier today, I used this technique on a customer who was absolutely livid. I responded with something simple, basically just naming the frustration and letting them know I would’ve felt the same way.
Their response? “Thanks for saying so!” Which roughly translates to: “You didn’t fix anything, but you made me feel like less of a crazy person.”
Notice what I didn’t do.
I didn’t fact-check their complaints.
I didn’t present exhibits A through Z.
I didn’t even agree with their story. 🤯
I only agreed with the feeling. Because who among us hasn’t been annoyed, furious, or ready to snap over something that didn’t actually matter in the long run?
So yes. Empathy dissolves conflict. It shaves the sharp edges off the anger and leaves behind something softer, smoother.
Try it this week!
Then report back by dropping a comment, telling me how it went. 👇🏼
Bonus points if you manage to dissolve someone’s meltdown without losing your own sanity. 🤩