Before the Goodbye

A reminder that lives matter most when they touch others

Photo by Amine mouzaoui on Unsplash

Last week, our family said goodbye to my uncle. The two decades I knew him felt like barely enough time to get started. At his memorial, someone told a story I’d never heard. Then another. And another. The man I thought I knew held layers I hadn’t uncovered yet. That realization stung a little, but it also awakened something.

Every time I attend a celebration of life ceremony, funeral, or memorial, I walk away with the same uncomfortable truth: sometimes we don’t truly see people until we’re forced to stop and look. These moments have that effect; they open the blinds and remind us how much impact a life can have.

I’ve been asking this question: Will I be missed? Not in the “everyone cries at my funeral” way. I mean impact. Did I make someone’s load lighter? Did I listen? Did I bother to learn their story while they were still here to tell it?

Here’s what I’ve learned:

• Make it about their story, not yours.
  We learn far more by listening than we ever will by filling the silence.

• Show up before the goodbye.
  A text, a short visit, a real question. Presence doesn’t have to be dramatic to matter.

• Stay curious.
  Ask questions. People carry entire histories they may assume no one wants to hear. Ask anyway.

• Let people surprise you.
  Assuming you already know someone is the fastest way to miss them completely.

I walked away from my uncle’s memorial with gratitude and inspiration woven together. Gratitude for who he was. Inspiration to learn more of the stories others hold.

He lived a life that touched people without needing attention for it. That’s the kind of impact worth chasing, and the kind I hope to keep learning from, even now.